Business Trips – the stay home piggy view….
When Samuel first went on a business trip, I was somewhat distraught. If I am totally honest, I look back and realise that 50% of this distraught was actually jealously. Samuel gets to travel to some really cool places like Chicago, Boston, Hong Kong and Paris.
However, it wasn’t just jealously, our relationship progressively intensified and we began spending more and more time together. I had never lived with a partner, so moving in was like a dream come true. I loved our little life together. Those first business trips where very hard for me to deal with!
How badly I took Samuels business trips must have seemed obvious to everyone around me, because everyone rallied around me, every time he went away! As it turns out Samuel asked all of his friends to keep a look out for me. Very sweet and it certainly helped but it did make me realise how dependant I had become on Samuel and our relationship. I had lost my independence and some of the activities and desires that made me, ME!
I then made an oath to myself that I would not just sit around and feel sorry for myself when Samuel went away.
This was the beginning of a shift in my outlook. I had realised that I naturally began adopting some of Samuels likes and personality traits. All of these were extremely positive; I started dressing better and taking better care of my physical appearance and possessions. I began eating better, exercising and drinking less wine. I began spending less impulsively and saving money and paying off debts.
However, I felt like I was loosing a bit of myself as I never made time for all the activities I enjoyed when I was single. I began using Samuel’s business trips as opportunities to do things I couldn’t find time to do otherwise. I began watching more sci-fi and manga, I began painting for hours at the weekend, I began running and cycling every day and often went to bed much earlier and caught up on missed sleep.
When it came to social activities and our friends, I realised that life doesn’t need to just stop just because your partner is away. I didn’t need to stay at home and simply wait. So I began accepting and arranging activities with our friends. Dinner invitations, movie nights, painting sessions, cycling trips to St Ives and even short weekend breaks to the coast. I felt balance return to my life and I noticed that I began feeling more settled when Samuel was away.
In fact, during the week I found myself so busy and distracted it was only in the evenings that I began to really miss his presence. Weekends were the exception. Weekends I really noticed I was without him. So although I was having fun it still wasn’t exactly the same. I am still without my best friend, my greatest ally, my partner in crime.
So my advice to you is this… If you have a partner who travels a lot, and you find this travelling to be difficult to deal with… try and take a step back and think about why you find this so hard. Like me, it may be that you’re jealous deep down, or perhaps you have lost yourself and your independence.
Being reflective allows you to identify why you feel the way you feel. If you’re honest with yourself in this process, you can begin making positive changes. If you’ve done that and it really is as simple as you miss your partner… then try to look at the positives. You are going to miss them whatever happens and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Worrying and making it an issue, will only add fuel to the emotions inside of you and potentially put unnecessary strain on your relationship.
So keep yourself busy. See your friends, go for dinner, spend hours on your hobbies, go away for weekends, go for walks, take pictures and catch up with old friends.
A relationship is the joining of 2 lives, 2 personalities, 2 social circles, 2 careers and 2 families, but you are still 1 person. It is important you don’t loose yourself in your relationship and the love and admiration for your partner doesn’t push all of what makes you, YOU – out of your head.